Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm both gender and math confused
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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