matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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