mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
