She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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