Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
