Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
