I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
