I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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