She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
