I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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