My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
