Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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