Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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