It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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