I think I won the penis lottery.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
