i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
