Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
