I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
