Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
