He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
