there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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