I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
