I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
bring money and cleavage
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
