everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
