she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
