why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
