the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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