good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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