i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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