Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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