i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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