Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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