Umm I'm too high to move.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
