Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
