I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it's like iHOP with fire
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
