I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
