unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
