dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
