K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
