i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
