I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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