why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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