I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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