Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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