the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
