My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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