Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
