ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
