I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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