Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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